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Here's your answer. You know how mattresses have that tag on them warning you not to remove it, and it's hard to figure out what could be so bad if you removed the tag, but almost nobody ever removes it anyway, just because something awful might happen?

If someone wrote on that tag that you should never stick an electrified metal rod in your wang, this product might never have been invented.

One of the worst things that can happen to anyone's sex life is the day you wake up and realize your sexuality in no way reflects anything you've witnessed in the Hellraiser series of films.

It doesn't have to be that way though. Thanks, Extreme Ass Spreader! OK, we have to interject here. Why in the hell would you possibly need to stretch your anus four inches wide?

Ah, again we learn why you don't ask the Internet a question you don't want to know the answer to. The thing is, every kind of sex has disadvantages, where you can't reach certain things or perform certain actions, or one partner gets left out of the pleasure.

This product seems to perfectly combine all of those downsides into one device. To the point that they need them to vibrate way, way more than even the most powerful internal motor can drive it?

To the point that in order to feel anything, you need an industrial power tool spinning your marital aid at several hundred RPMs and creating enough friction to spark spontaneous vaginal combustion in the process?

This actually looks like a fairly standard piece of high-quality plumbing equipment you'd find at the hardware store, until you look closely at the largest black attachment.

Then you realize this is for, as the site says, "intimate water play. Remember how, as a teenager, you'd try to dupe members of the opposite sex into a game of Twister in the hopes of one day maybe touching some boob "by accident"?

This is what happens when that mischievous childhood memory is taken to Hollywood and gang fucked by men in masks. If the Post Master up there didn't look quite dangerous enough, why not take those same mounted dildos and put them on a spring?

And then jump up and down with it inside you? Why, they even added an attachment for a friend so you can stare into each other's eyes as you both come to the realization you're suffering massive genital trauma that you'll likely never recover from.

Remember all those times you had sex and thought something was missing? If that something involved being suspended by your ankles in a full-body rubber straight jacket, your life is about to get a whole lot better.

If not, things are probably about to get worse. This gruesome looking thing may or may not be designed to make the average man look as though his crotch is being attacked by an afro'd manta ray.

It's hard to say, really. Ian is currently recovering from the trauma of researching this article over at www. For further terror from the world of sex, check out 5 Ridiculous Safe for Work Fetishes.

And to wipe the horror from your eyes, stop on by Cracked. Don't make me do this again. Don't have an account? Continue as Guest. Please enter a Username.

I agree to the Terms of Service. Add me to the weekly newsletter. Add me to the daily newsletter. Create Account. Link Existing Cracked Account.

Create New Account. Use My Facebook Avatar. Add me to the weekly Newsletter. Your intestine is actually in a zig-zag pattern, and to some extent you are straightening it out.

Just because you've gotten it in farther than ever before doesn't mean you shouldn't stop if it just doesn't want to go in any further. If your body says stop, STOP.

If you've gotten this far, you're probably enjoying a nice "full" feeling. Don't move around a lot. You can stand up, but don't do anything crazy.

Don't do a pumping action like you normally can with a penis sized dildo, the friction around the curve could cause a hemorrhage tear.

This is a dangerous form of masturbation, and I'm not a doctor, but I don't think you could get one to recommend it.

Be careful. When you're done, remove it slowly kind of like you're pooping the cleanest poop of your life. Sources: Exploring my own body, human anatomy course at KU, and plain common sense which points to not doing this at all.

Sincerely, Mr. Guest over a year ago In reply to anonymous on - click to read. That sounds like it hurts.. I've tried doing that one having anal sex with my boyfriend.

I ended up getting this horrible pain in my lower-right side of my pelvic and I've been having problems ever since DC over a year ago You can insert quite a long dildo but you must go slow.

You have to get past another muscle group to get into the sigmoid colon, then if it's like about inches whew! This is possible if you go slow and use a LOT of lube, like J-lube for instance.

Don't continue if it feels in anyway like it's stopped for some reason. Advance in baby steps to stretch it out. Make sure you clean yourself out first or the poop in there might present an impediment to advancing.

Continue at your own risk. Guest over a year ago i had 2in up mine. SalsaNcheese over a year ago You can insert quite a hefty dildo past the rectum and around the corner into the sigmoid colon.

But I have had my 23" x 25mm wide up as far as 18". The thing to do is put plenty of lube on it. Love anal over a year ago I got 18 and I'm hooked.

Take your time and you'll get all in. Its an awesome feeling once its in. Guest over a year ago I'm 16 and I Have been exploring myself since i was like The first time i ever got anything past 7 inches was when i was I made a big jump though.

I know it seems impossible but I had been using 3" diamater 6" tall butt plugs for a while so i knew the first 6inches would be easy Just use alot of lube, i personally used pam which i know everyone says not to do but it has never done me wrong.

I dont know if this has anything to do with this, but i am 6'-3" and i only way lbs, my body is wicked tight and i am extremely fit The first sausage was only 1.

My partner puts it in slow, but then she also really screws me with it; like all the way out all the way in and pretty fast.

That's the thing I haven't seen much of in any movie, and though it's not too painful, I usually don't feel quite right the next day.

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If you've gotten this far, you're probably enjoying a nice "full" feeling. Don't move around a lot. You can stand up, but don't do anything crazy. Don't do a pumping action like you normally can with a penis sized dildo, the friction around the curve could cause a hemorrhage tear.

This is a dangerous form of masturbation, and I'm not a doctor, but I don't think you could get one to recommend it. Be careful. When you're done, remove it slowly kind of like you're pooping the cleanest poop of your life.

Sources: Exploring my own body, human anatomy course at KU, and plain common sense which points to not doing this at all.

Sincerely, Mr. Guest over a year ago In reply to anonymous on - click to read. That sounds like it hurts.. I've tried doing that one having anal sex with my boyfriend.

I ended up getting this horrible pain in my lower-right side of my pelvic and I've been having problems ever since DC over a year ago You can insert quite a long dildo but you must go slow.

You have to get past another muscle group to get into the sigmoid colon, then if it's like about inches whew! This is possible if you go slow and use a LOT of lube, like J-lube for instance.

Don't continue if it feels in anyway like it's stopped for some reason. Advance in baby steps to stretch it out. Make sure you clean yourself out first or the poop in there might present an impediment to advancing.

Continue at your own risk. Guest over a year ago i had 2in up mine. SalsaNcheese over a year ago You can insert quite a hefty dildo past the rectum and around the corner into the sigmoid colon.

But I have had my 23" x 25mm wide up as far as 18". The thing to do is put plenty of lube on it. Love anal over a year ago I got 18 and I'm hooked. Take your time and you'll get all in.

Its an awesome feeling once its in. Guest over a year ago I'm 16 and I Have been exploring myself since i was like The first time i ever got anything past 7 inches was when i was I made a big jump though.

I know it seems impossible but I had been using 3" diamater 6" tall butt plugs for a while so i knew the first 6inches would be easy Just use alot of lube, i personally used pam which i know everyone says not to do but it has never done me wrong.

I dont know if this has anything to do with this, but i am 6'-3" and i only way lbs, my body is wicked tight and i am extremely fit The first sausage was only 1.

My partner puts it in slow, but then she also really screws me with it; like all the way out all the way in and pretty fast. That's the thing I haven't seen much of in any movie, and though it's not too painful, I usually don't feel quite right the next day.

Do I just have an amazingly deep ass? Or is it just a matter of time till she kills me this way?

Quick reply. He, now at the brink of war, is a mere shell of the man he once was. So much so that one "simple" act of kindness will make him an addict to our dear reader.

The year is Reyna Sands is an orphan sent West on the Orphan Train. Ben Solo is a bachelor trying to eke out a living on a homestead in Nebraska.

Ashe will do whatever it takes to get the Witch's Heart. Noel will do whatever it takes to protect Claire, to save her just one time. Even if it means giving him the Witch's Heart that he's been using.

He just has to hope that Ashe will listen, and not jump to conclusions. Achilles is the bastard son of a wealthy landowning farming family in rural Australia.

Quick witted, savage and charming, Achilles has the world at his feet and half a mind to burn it down.

At twelve, a distant country cousin comes to stay with him - kind, patient Patroclus. Privately tutored together for years, an attraction sparks, but the more Achilles presses Patroclus to admit his feelings, the more he wriggles out of it.

Achilles tells himself it's fine; he doesn't mind watching Patroclus squirm. Jeon Jungkook and Park Jimin are made to marry each other. Jeon Jungkook hides the fact that he has a pussy instead of a cock from his husband.

When he reveals it,what is Jimin gonna do? A couple finally take a weekend adventure filled with all sorts of delicious and decadent sexual encounters they've only fantasized about.

Nothing particularly funny about the door, was there? Maybe inside. Arthur peered in and his heart stopped. Merlin, naked once more, with another serving boy on his knees in front of him.

Exploring Sergei's unhealthy devotion to Oswell, and Albert's unhealthy obsession with making Sergei his

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